Ethics are morals in action. I have no idea why I feel the need to act at times, to help others or to intervene in situations neither of my making nor of my concern. Perhaps it was part of my upbringing, perhaps it is simply intrinsic, but whatever it is, I have to say, that I usually feel good about doing something to prevent or reduce harm for others and I feel bad when I turn my back and walk away having done absolutely nothing. I have certainly done both in my life, I will no doubt continue to do both. I know which feels better and I am always developing ways to be ethical while reducing the personal risk involved. But how do I explain such a pattern of behavior to someone else? How do I explain to a friend or loved one why I feel the need to take on any risk whatsoever for someone I know nothing about?
In my personal experience, talking about how it 'feels' like the right thing to do only connects with other people who also feel it is the right thing to do. And as any adult knows, just because something feels right, it doesn't always make it so. Probably the hardest person to explain myself to was my wife. She is a very smart and educated lady, and whenever she has seen or heard about me approaching a conflict situation she was highly concerned. There were lots of questions asked around my motivations, the risks involved, whether it was my business and even if it was a case of egotistic desire. Very hard questions to counter, and to be quite honest the best answer I could ever come up with was "I can't explain it. That is just who I am". Ugh, cliche, completely relative and non-clarifying. I could ramble about how society relied on charitable behavior and how if more people looked out for each other the world would be a better place. But it wasn't clear or coherent and I was stuck. Until today.
Today my wife called me and I could tell from her voice that something was wrong. She was preparing for a long drive so she stopped to fill up her gas at about 11am. As she pulled into the gas station she noticed a shady looking character leaving the shop, he made a comment about her nice car as she pulled in. When she got out to operate the pump he started making inappropriate comments about her appearance and asking her questions. She ignored him, but he started asking if she could hear him and came closer. My wife told him she was in a hurry and didn't have time to talk but still he came closer and seemed oblivious to the discomfort he was causing. There was something about him that just scared her and she was getting more and more nervous as the situation started to deteriorate out of her control. Then another car pulled in, and another man got out of his car and also started walking towards her. As rational thought started to be eroded by the fearful sight of two strange men coming towards her another process started to activate. Her instinct. She had a feeling that the second man was different so she moved towards him. At the site of this the shady character backed off and left, much to her relief. The second man asked her if she was alright, and when she told him what had happened, he told her the reason he was coming over was because he could tell something was wrong and just wanted to check. That simple act made a big difference to her situation.
She called me for two reasons today, one was to let me know what happened, two was to say that she understands now. She understands that if not for the random intervention she would still have been in the grip of fear or worse. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing if I did the same for someone else sometimes. And that is when I said what I should have said a long time ago.
I said "I can't be there to look out for you all the time, and when I am not there I have to rely on other people to do it. But the pay off is that sometimes I have to look out for other people too and that way it is safer for everyone".
The reason for being ethical was a lot clearer to us now. Thanks to some unknown man just looking out for others, and even thanks to one shady character who just made things harder for himself and others like him.
